Article in the San Francisco Chronicle by Lea Garchik, columnist
The title of "The Man in the Purple Cow House" is a reference to Mary Ames Mitchell's dad, whose neighbors splashed purple paint on a living cow he'd put to pasture on the lawn of his Pasadena home. He'd bought the cow and put it there in retaliation for their having stopped him from developing the land.
Mitchell's book describes her Southern California upbringing, in a well-off family dominated by her dad, a feisty and argumentative king of his realm. Over the years, he becomes more and more embroiled in disputes and more remote from his family. By the time Mitchell is an adult, her parents have divorced; finally, her dad pretty much lives on the streets of Santa Monica, collecting junk.
This is one story among many about street people. Mitchell, a designer who lives in San Rafael nowadays, is giving profits to the Committee on the Shelterless and Union Station Foundation in Pasadena, an organization that helps the homeless.
Letter from Jane Fonda, actress/author
What a thoughtful person you are! Thank you for your letter and book. Your father is very handsome...I agree with your life rules—sometimes it takes us into late life to really get it...I will see my half sister Pam Brokaw in Rome in four days so this is very timely. (Jane’s half sister Pam Brokaw is the half sister of Ann Brokaw, the mystery girl who's letters were published in The Man in the Purple Cow House. So we sent her a copy.)
Via email from Jean Gonick, columnist for the San Francisco Chronicle, new pen buddy
Hi Mary, I so enjoyed and admire your book—as someone who never even met her grandparents (and has no idea who THEIR parents were...), it's a world I can hardly imagine......but I didn't have to because you described it so well. What a story! What a life! And oh god what heartbreak. How could you NOT go through [what you went through]? You're not a loser, you were simply "set up." Well, not simply, never simply, but I think you know what I mean. Thank you so much for sharing it with me. Your story is truly amazing and you told it vividly. Thank god for Netflix and cats, etc, eh what? Best wishes, Jean
Via letter from Harlan and Anne Pedersen, friends of my parents way back then
“I have just finished reading your book, Mary, and have found it fascinating. We knew your parents quite well as we were part of that particular social circle that got together now and then for dinner, parties and such. Not only that, but Tom [you dad] was Harlan's landlord on Foothill Blvd. when he leased out office space to Harlan's architectural firm when it was called Dinger & Pedersen, Architects. We have many memories of your parents as we were guests in their home on Ramona, in the Big House, and also in your mother's home on California Blvd., after your parents were divorced. Each time I see a Rafus palm plant I think of your dad, as he introduced us to them, extolling their virtues and convincing us that the price was worth the plant performance. He was right
Helen and Bill Hawkins were neighbors of ours as they lived practically across from us on Lima Street, so occasionally we partied in their home as well. But our strongest memory of your dad probably dates back to that strange time when he invited several couples to the Purple Cow House for a spaghetti dinner when your parents were separated. Kay Haugard described the evening as we remembere it. [See Kay's letter below.] ... It is a magnificent book and I admire your persistence in finding the truth under the layers of your buried family history. You have undoubtedly felt closure in the process and still not held back in admitting the weaknesses, the flaws and the failures among your family members. That takes a certain amount of courage, but in so doing you have also found many things to be very proud of as well. We lived in Sierra Madre until about 1986 and then retired to Orcas Island, Washington...It just so happens we now [have a home] on Padre Street [in Santa Barbara], one and a half blocks from ... your grandfather's home on Pedregosa [your mother's father, Prynce Hopkins]. ...Your compassion for your dad is a tribute to his memory, so again, just know that your story will send out a ripple effect to all of us who knew him.
It was hard for your mom, who was stoic throughout, but she also managed a smile as usual, trying to maintain a dignity she did not feel... Finally,...your Dad gave us a small cast mural of cupids that we now have mounted at our front porch entry on Orcas. [probably Maria, Tomoso y Carlo mentioned in the book.] Each time we have moved, we have found a place for it....thank you for sending us your book. You have found your truth and have followed your heart. ” Back to top.
Via a letter from Kay Haugaard, friend of my parents way back then
“Dear Mary, Bob [my husband] and I were friends of your father's and from time to time in the last few years [Bob] has said to me, ‘I wonder what ever happened to Tom Ames,’ and then he would say how he had attempted to contact him numerous times but had no success.
Bob was one of the architects who worked in anoffice in your parents' office building on Foothill Blvd. He was just starting his career as an architect at the time and worked for JohnGalbraith as a draftsman. He became acquainted with your dad during that period and it continued on for a very long time. I remember going to dinner at your house in Sierra Madre when you were just a toddler.
My husband was the architect who designed the[beach] house in Ventura for your parents. Your father also invited us and several other friends to the Big House for dinner after your parents separated and he was living there alone. I remember how puzzled and curious everyone was to know what occasioned him alone to call us all together for dinner. Of course the fact that he was alone made us suspect that your parents had sepaated.
Much later we also went down to the Chautauqua location and visited him...As you say in your book, the furnishing was rather unusual, consisting of rare antiques interspersed with thrift shop items. There was a very large oriental rug pulling it all together, however and sitting on one piece of furniture was a tiny oval photograph of a woman set in a beautiful garnet studded frame.
Because of our long acquaintance with your father we were delighted to read in the paper that you had written a book about him and we fully planned to go to Vroman's on the day you were going to sign the book. But I must have misremembered the date and when I called about itI was told you had come and gone some time before. We were disappointed but I went out and bought the book.
You have done a beautiful job with it. ..I was impressed with the warm, loving tone of it and the wonderful little anecdotes you gave of your childhood and relationship with your father. Thegenealogical material was fascinating and the number of illustrious people in your ancestory is impressive and interesting. This gave a background for why your father had some of the attitudes and interests that he did. He would have been so thrilled with your work and the research you did to get it.... I feelvery sorry for your mother in her marriage with your father. It seemed to have been rather cold and lonesome for her. ...I just wanted you to know how reading your book... gave us a deeper understanding of your father...You are a good and loving daughter. Back to top.
Via the phone from Leslie Arnett Nafie, classmate from Pasadena High School, Director of Development, Children's Hospital in Los Angeles
“I loved your book. You did a fantastic job. Well done! In our house the Elbow Rule was enforced by a jab with a fork, rather than a whop of the spoon. You've inspired me to [write about] my own family. I think you knew your missing father better than I know mine, and he's right here.” Back to top.
Via email from Karin Robertson Lekas
“Hi Mary. I read about your book in the LATimes Book Review, The Man In The Purple Cow House, and how you were having a book signing at Vroman’s. I thought, could this be the Merrie Ames who went to Wilson Jr. High with my brother John Robertson? Could this be the Merrie who I babysat after school in Pasadena when I was a student at PCC? And sure enough! What a remarkable path you have been on! I applaud your strength and tenacity! I know how painful this must have been for you and how you must feel so good to have come this far on your journey! As a teenager growing up in Pasadena we all knew about the "Purple Cow House" and had no idea this was your Dad! I remember your Mom and helping out after school with homework and starting dinner. She was a single mom who was very organized and had 3 lovely children! It couldn't have been easy for her at that time in Pasadena. Thank you for sharing your life and here's to more writing! You are good! Congratulations to one strong woman!”
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Via email from Silvia DeBenedetti Andereck-Birt, long lost friend from junior high school, Laguna Beach, California
I don't know if you'll remember me or not. We went to Wilson Jr. High together. My maiden name was Sylvia DeBenedetti. I was friends with Leslie Arnett. I moved away to Santa Maria, CA for my high school years. I am friends with Karin Lekas, who apparently baby sat for you and your brothers way back when. She is John Robertson's sister. She called me having read about your book signing in Pasadena, asking if I thought you were the same Merrie Ames we knew a long time ago. Having lived in Pasadena, we have spoken many times about who we knew and what we hear through the grapevine. I read your book and am so glad to know what became of you. The book is quite good. You have such strength of character....and I can say "I knew you when...". Congratulations and thanks for a great read!
P.S Whatever happened to Leslie Arnett?Back to top
Via email from Lynne Orvis, fellow member of the Mayflower Society, Indianapolis, Michigan
[Mary,] you were growing up on the other side of the world way out there in California and experienced many of the same little things we did in the Northern woods of Michigan. I don't know why, but I find that fascinating. Maybe I didn't live that deep in the woods after all. I really wish my family had a "no eating between meals" rule.”
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Phone call from Mark Van Brussel, attorney, classmate from Pasadena High School, Sacramento, California
“My mom, who still lives in Pasadena, came up to visit for the weekend and picked up your book right after she got here. She didn't get up again until she finished it. I've read it too and now my wife, Jane, is reading it. Thanks for the great experience.”
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Lila Anderson Hillard, friend from Pasadena High School, attorney and real estate agent in Larkspur, CA
“I just finished reading your book and I wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed it I found your Pasadena experience particularly interesting, although it seems like it was a parallel universe. Our first home was in Hastings Ranch, with my memories more on the line of playing with neighborhood friends and my own father putting up the Christmas decorations on our front lawn. When I was thirteen, my parents built their dream house in Sierra Madre Villa, and when my parents first showed the children the lot, my three siblings and I were dismayed to see there were no sidewalks. My family owned that house for 40 years and my mother just sold it last year...Who would have known that as you were smiling and leading the cheerleaders' songs, you were dealing with these paternal issues. Not only did it take a strong person to deal with these private heartaches at such a young age, but it is also a show of strength to reveal this experience to the world.
Your book was heartfelt, well-written, and interesting. It is a great achievement to be able to actually write and publish a book as well as to pass on this family history to your own children. Congratulations!”11/8/2005Back to top
Via an email from Pat Bucklin, resident of Pasadena for 55 years
“Dear Mary, My sister-in-law in San Francisco, Linda H. Bucklin, was kind enough to send me a copy of your book. I enjoyed it very much. There were many familiar places and a few names I am able to relate to. The house you write about is, or was, just around the corner from Lomita where an old friend of mine, Georgie Erskine, has lived for a number of years. I have lived in Pasadena for 55 years so I am familiar with the long gone stores you mention and I walk our dogs down California Terrace often. Your grandparents' friend Priscilla Morman lives in a condominium across the street from our home. It was interesting and fun to read these names but your story was wonderful to read for reasons other than these. Families can be so many things—for lack of a much better word—granted some more than others. You were wonderful to pursue the paths which your family took through the years. I appreciate being able to read the results of your labors. I had a tear or two at the close and imagine you had some while writing your book. It is quite an accomplishment.”Back to top
Via an email from Jill Barret, fellow member of the San Francisco City College Auxiliary, San Francisco
“I just finished reading your book and wanted to let you know what a great job I thought you did. I felt so badly for you and your Dad, but was glad that you were able to create such an interesting history for your children, and a book that would provide meaning for your Dad's life after his death. When I think about the homeless people I've seen outside of the Sutter Garage or the Van Ness islands, I have always felt we are doing them a great disservice by just letting them be.
Mary, I think we are about the same age and I grew up in Sherman Oaks in the San Fernando Valley, so I also enjoyed reading about your childhood. When you went on your trip to Europe at such a young age, I was experiencing a pretty boring suburban childhood. Several years later, I remember being envious of the girls in my sorority at UCLA who went to Europe during the summer and wished I could do the same. As an adult, having remembered the teenagers that traveled out of the country with their families, I felt I wanted to take my children traveling, if I was able to. Our trips started when our children were about 8 or 9 years old. And I can remember our children reacting to Pompeii just as you did. On another trip my husband and I walked from Santa Marguerita (a favorite city of ours) to Portifino. So I could envision the small coves of beaches you described. Anyway, I did enjoy the book and hope to see you again soon.”Back to top
A phone conversation with Claire Luce, wine maker, winery owner, Napa, California
“I read your book. A friend of mine down in Santa Monica had gone to your book-signing at Vroman's in Pasadena and after reading it, and what you wrote about Anne Brokaw and her mother Claire Booth Luce, she called me. Claire Booth Luce was my step-grandmother. Henry Luce was my grandfather. I was Claire's companion during the last ten or so years of her life and I've always felt I was filling her daughter Ann's shoes. You were right on with your description of the chapel Claire built for Ann after her death. You should go visit it. It's beautiful. And it's funny you mentioned the play Claire wrote, ‘The Women.’ Not too many people know that she wrote the whole thing in a weekend. She was in the ladies‘ room at a fashionable restaurant one day and overheard a conversation some society ladies were having between nearby stalls. My grandfather was baffled because Claire was in the bathroom for nearly half an hour, taking the notes which developed into her famous play. Come see me in Napa. We make the Luce Abbey wines.”Back to top
Over the phone with Susie Parrish, fashion consultant, San Francisco
“I loved your book. It was sad, but it was such a good story. I loved your description of your father enforcing manners with a spoon. Manners were so important to our parents’ generation. In our family we had a saying, ‘If you have manners you can go anywhere.”Back to top
Also on the phone, Susie's husband, John Parrish, developer, San Francisco
“Now I understand more how you are how you are. You always go around with a smile on your face no matter what is going on your life. Now I can see that you have always had to do that. What also stood out to me was what a loving and compassionate man your father once was.”
Jane Lee Knope Roundtree, friend from Wheaton College, real estate agent, Lake Oswego, Oregon
“WOW. I just finished your book last night. I read it with such great interest. You have done a stupendous job from so many standpoints. It's so good you took all that time to put it together. It's such a well-finished product. I especially liked that you have your feelings out there for everyone to see. It's so real and so involving for the reader.”Back to top
From Suzanne O’Shea, owner of organic farming web company, Seattle, WA
“I read your book as soon as I received it. In fact, I stayed up until 3:30am reading it the second night, before I told myself I had to get some sleep. I finished it the next morning. I thought about it for a long time. I think we each have someone in our friends or families that we wish we could reach, despite mental illness or drug or alcohol addiction. I was hoping that there would be a solution, or suggestion, by the end of the book. It was sad to find that it never happened.
It was also really interesting to remember so many of the things that you mentioned that were also a part of my childhood, even drive-in movies which don't seem to exist anymore. I was born in 1952 so we are almost the same age. Thank you so much for sending me your book. I really enjoyed it. I admire anyone who can tell a story in book form. I wouldn't know where to begin. You did such a wonderful job putting it all together.” Back to top
From Ronnie Dods, member of the St. Paul's Book Club which chose the book for December 2005, San Rafael, California
“I was disappointed by the ending, because it wasn't happy. Then I was lifted a little by reading the Epilogue. But then when I read the acknowledgments at the end, and you talked about what a spiritual experience it was writing the book, I felt much better.”Back to top
Via email from Kristopher Doe, illustrator, San Louis Obispo, California
My name is Kristopher Doe. I had a rather interesting occurrence last week in the predawn hours. I, too, am a Pasadena native and the other morning I awoke, and for some reason of which I have not a clue, the Purple Cow House popped into my brain. Curiosity got me out of bed and over to my computer where I googled in Purple Cow House. Imagine my surprise when I saw your book at the top of the list. I ordered the book online immediately.
You see, I grew up just a two short blocks away over on Wentworth Ave. across from the Huntington. I am about four years younger than you, so your story was very close to me and my childhood. I am writing to thank you for this very poignant and informative book. All my mother ever told me about the house was that it was the Ames property and that the owner let the property fall into shambles as a payback to the city over tax issues (somewhat accurate) and that the purple cow was the result of a Caltech prank (apparently not so accurate).Your story put a human face on that mysterious property that I would glance up at as I walked past on Woodland Ave. on my way to my friend’s house which was directly across from the end of Woodland on Oakland Ave.
Being of the same generation, your words evoked so many emotions, memories and feelings I had as a child. Add to that the fact that I was able to so clearly visualize every local location mentioned in your writing. Those visuals were just a few of the surprising connections I found that you and I share. I’m going to bounce around here a bit but let me say at this point, that you and I appear to have been attending Art Center at the same time. We overlapped a bit, as I started “boot camp” lol! in the fall of ‘86 and I see that you graduated in ‘88. You were in the Graphics dept. whereas I was an Illustration major, so we most likely never met other than perhaps passing one another in those sterile white hallways.
After my graduation in 1990, I remained in Pasadena but accepted a part-time teaching position (another shared experience) up at Ventura College, where I had attended prior to moving back to Pasadena for Art Center. The chapters about your summers in Ventura, again brought about vivid visualizations to my mind. I too once went out for a grunion run one night with one of my Ventura College classmates at the time.
Not only did your book very touchingly tell your family’s story but also so deftly described the state of American society at that time in our recent past. I also enjoyed the history lesson I gleaned from the telling of your family’s roots. In the end, I wept at the tragic conclusion of your father’s life. I wept for all that you went through as well. This was such a moving read that I read the whole story in practically one sitting. You have accomplished a great feat as well as a tribute to your difficult father. I hope that this served as a cathartic experience for you and that your memories will be ones of bittersweet good.
I see that you understand your father did the best he knew how. I had a father very similar in many ways and have come to forgive what I saw as his shortcomings and learned to love his memory. I would like to share one last little common aspect to our lives. I recently moved from Pasadena to the central coast and am now living in San Luis Obispo. Since moving, I have become involved in a book project of my own with another friend. We are collaborating on a children’s book, she having written the manuscript and I doing the illustration. If you’d care to get a glimpse at this project, you can see an online journal where we’ve shared the project with an online community that we are part of. Here is a link to that journal: http://www.radioparadise.com/content.php?name=Journal&file=show_entry&jid=4478
Again, thank you for you hard work and for bringing your touching story to many of us who know only fragments of the Purple Cow House legacy and local Pasadena legend.
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Brian Sandberg, friend from Pasadena High School, architect in Corona del Mar, CA
“I was visiting an old teacher/coach/counselor from PHS down in Carlsbad Saturday (that I haven’t seen since high school) and I was telling him about your book. When I said the title he said, ‘You know, I remember a big house over near the Huntington Hotel and the guy was having a beef with some neighbors about subdividing his property.’” 4/16/06Back to top
Steve Grijalva, friend from Pasadena High School
“I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed your book. I found myself going right back to it every time I put it down. I really admire the courage it took to stay on your journey, no matter where it led. It seems to me that each one of us feels so unique, however, it now appears that our individual "demons" are not all that different. Thank you again for sharing your amazing story.”
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